I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
