Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
