my shit smells like andre
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
