You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
