Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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