i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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