oh god the rape fog is back!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
