I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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