The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
