She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
