Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
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