gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
