She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
