so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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