Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she told me i tasted like america
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
