what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
