Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
