i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
