Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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