I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Boobs speak an international language.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
