Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
