i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
