Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
