this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Randomize
