When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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