Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
