I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
