Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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