She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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