Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
