The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
