Me too!
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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