half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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