they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
