"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
