Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
