Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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