he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
