Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
