Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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