This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
