I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
