I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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