I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
