so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
