I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize