im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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