are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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