He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
