Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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